O.T.O. Inquisition and the O.T.O.F.  Intro II by Bryony Murds

      Ordo Templi Orientis Phenomenon
      Preface to the Inquisition II

      provided by Bryony Murds
       (Fade up 'Coronation Street' [1] theme. The scene is set in the front
       room of a small back-to-back house in darkest Manchester. Apart from
       the black leather curtains covered with studs, and the tattoo designs
       plastered all over the wall, this is a typical 'thirty-something'
       lounge, with furniture by Courts [2], and decor by Argos [3] out of
       On the sofa, DRAB SPAGHETTI, an ageing hippy in a shell-suit, is
       staring boredly at the TV, while his wife, IMELDA SPAGHETTI, dressed in
       a bondage-housecoat, is filling in a newspaper crossword with a
       Notes for non-English readers:
       [1] A long-running British TV soap-opera set in the North; originally
          priding itself on its 1960's kitchen-sink gritty 'realism', it has
          long since sunk into self-parody, but remains mysteriously
       [2] A chain of stores selling cheaply-made furniture at exhorbitant
          prices to the masses; their shops always stink of sawdust and
       [3] A chain of stores selling just about everything to the masses,
          via catalogues which will surely become vital documents for social
          historians of the future.
       Pronunciation: an apostrophe - ' - mostly indicates the absence of the
       letter H at the start of words, and the letter G at the end of them, in
       this particular dialect.
       And now, back to the stage-directions...
       Fade down theme music).
       DRAB: Oh, flamin' 'eck, our Imelda, can't you keep that bloody noise
          down? I'm tryin' to watch th' telly!
       IMELDA: Well, if you 'adn't used my last bingo-pen to keep your
          latest piercin' open, I wouldn't 'ave to, would I?
       DRAB: (rolls his eyes and mutters to the ceiling) Oh, 'ere we bloody
          well go again! (To IMELDA) Look, you daft ha'p'orth, I've to keep
          it in until it 'eals proper, 'aven't I? Unless me extra-large
          Prince Albert's in proper, I can't officiate at Twelfth Degree
       IMELDA: (Interrupting) I don't know why you put up with them bloody
          Yanks! Aye, and that snobby bastard from down south! 'Ow many
          pages of instructions was there in that last thing they sent yer?
          'Undred or more, like as not! And where's it get you, that's what
          I'd like to know? More soddin' semi-precious metal in yer todger
          than in that "Sorceror's Apprentice" window, that's what! Oh, why
          we didn't stick to readin' 'Magick in Theory and Practice' fer
          fun, an' runnin' a flamin' nudie coven, I'll never know ...
       DRAB: 'Cos it gives uz street-cred in t'bloody tattoin' an' piercin'
          circuit, that's why! After that bugger Lewd Mollocks got 'old of
          that soddin' "By Appointment to the Church o' Satan" sign fer 'is
          place, you know 'ow trade dropped off. All t' bastard 'Ell's
          Angels started goin' to 'is dump in Middleton - so we 'AD ter get
          summat that looked dead depraved to attract 'em back, eh? (Tries
          to make peace) Look, love, I know it's a wee bit inconvenient,
          like, but just think of t' new recruits, and new busines s, it'll
          bring uz in, eh?
       IMELDA: (Sighs) Oh all right. (Turns tattooing-needle off) I'd done
          t' puzzle any road. I suppose t' Caliphate does keep t' wolf from
          t' door...
          (There is a thunderous knocking from the front door, followed by a
          loud crash; CARDINAL BENJAMINO FEENDISH, dressed in full
          Inquisitorial drag - including the pointy hat and red-hot poker -
          bursts into the room).
       CARDINAL BENJAMINO FEENDISH: Aha! _Nobody_ expects the Caliphate
          Inquisition! Oho! Our weapons are three in number: surprise,
          coffee, a tape recorder, and staying up till two in the morning!
          No, no, that's not right! Our weapons are FOUR in number...
       DRAB: Oh, bugger it to buggering buggery...
       (...and about there inspiration flagged, thank God.)
      Back to the other Introductions
      The Transcript itself

      More about all this in: Andreas Huettl and Peter-R. Koenig: Satan - Jünger, Jäger und Justiz

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